Introducing a New Partner to Your Children: What the Law Actually Says

You have probably already decided your children are ready. What you want to know is whether your ex can turn it into a problem.

So, the straight answer. Nothing in the Family Law Act 1975 requires you to tell your former partner before your children meet someone you are seeing, and a new relationship by itself changes nothing about your parenting arrangements. Two things can make it a legal issue: a genuine concern about your children’s safety, and a change big enough to reopen orders. This page separates those from an ex who is simply unhappy.

Do I have to tell my ex first?

No. Each parent of a child under 18 has parental responsibility, and separating, repartnering or remarrying does not change that, unless a court orders otherwise.

Where it is safe and no order says otherwise, the Act encourages parents to consult each other about major long-term issues. That means the big, lasting decisions: your children’s education, health, religious and cultural upbringing, name, and changes to their living arrangements that make it significantly harder for them to spend time with a parent. Meeting your new partner is not on that list.

Here is the part almost nobody covers. Forming a relationship with a new partner is not, of itself, a major long-term issue. It can become one: the Act’s own example is a relationship that involves you moving to another area, where the move makes it significantly harder for your children to spend time with their other parent. Where your orders provide for joint decision making, that is a decision you have to consult on and genuinely try to agree.

And an order or injunction naming a person applies to them, regardless of what they think of it.

Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) ss 61C, 61CA and 61DAA, and the s 4(1) definition of ‘major long-term issues’. Plain-English overview: Attorney-General’s Department.

When is the right time?

No law sets a timeline, and anyone who gives you a number of months is guessing. Work from what the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia tells parents directly: keep a regular routine so your children know what to expect, give plenty of notice before you change it, and keep children out of adult conflict.

Signs it is probably time:

• the relationship is settled rather than new
• your children’s routine has been stable for a while
• the other parent already knows
• the first meeting is short, low-key and somewhere neutral
• the other parent would hear about it from the children first, or through mutual friends

When waiting may be better:

• parenting or property matters are actively in dispute
• your children have only just been told about the separation
• your ex may create issues out of hurt or jealousy

Talk to your co-parent before your children do

This is the step most parents skip, and it does more damage than the introduction ever does. If your ex hears about your new partner from your eight-year-old, you have handed them a grievance. Tell them yourself, briefly, before it happens.

You do not owe them a veto. You do not owe them your partner’s history or the state of your relationship. But giving the other parent of your child notice is respectful, and vice versa.

If your ex refuses to discuss things like this point blank, you can start cheap: write a parenting plan between you and add a note that if either person is in a new relationship with someone that the children will meet, to advise the other parent, or make a brief introduction between adults first. If that stalls, take it to family dispute resolution, and turn anything workable into consent orders if you want it enforceable. Court sits last, and the system keeps it there: a parenting application will not be accepted for filing without a section 60I certificate from a family dispute resolution practitioner, unless the court grants an exemption under s 60I(9) (FCFCOA).

Can my ex stop me from introducing the kids to my new partner?

Not because they dislike your new partner. Dislike is not a ground for anything.

What they can do is ask for something formal: a parenting order, decided on your children’s best interests, or an injunction restraining a named person from being around your children, which a court may grant where that is appropriate for their welfare. For a court to restrict who your children spend time with, or to restrain a named person, they need evidence, not hurt feelings. That bar is high, and it is meant to be.

Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) s 68B.

Can a new partner change your parenting orders?

A new partner appearing in your life does not by itself change your orders. They stand until they are varied by agreement or by a court.

If the matter goes back before a court, your children’s best interests decide it. Those considerations were rewritten by the Family Law Amendment Act 2023 and have applied since 6 May 2024: safety, including from family violence, abuse, neglect or other harm; your children’s views; their developmental, psychological, emotional and cultural needs; each person’s capacity to meet those needs; the benefit of a relationship with both parents, and with others significant to them, where that is safe; and anything else relevant. The presumption of equal shared parental responsibility is gone (Attorney-General’s Department factsheet).

Reopening final orders is harder again. A court must not reconsider a final parenting order unless it has considered whether there has been a significant change of circumstances since it was made, and is satisfied that reconsidering it is in your children’s best interests (s 65DAAA) (FCFCOA). A new relationship on its own rarely gets there. A move that significantly reduces the other parent’s time is a different conversation.

Evidence of risk is where these applications are won and lost. In Lang & Partington [2017] FamCAFC 40, a father asked the court to restrain the mother from bringing their young child into contact with her new partner. The partner’s record was serious: guilty pleas to drug supply and heroin possession, a conviction for supplying firearms, a sentence of six years and five months. The judge weighed that against his circumstances since release and found no unacceptable risk at that interim stage. The father appealed and lost, with costs.

The lesson runs both ways. A criminal record, even a serious one, is not automatically an unacceptable risk, and the parent raising the concern has to prove it. If your concern is real, test the evidence with child custody lawyers before you file.

Lang & Partington [2017] FamCAFC 40, Family Court of Australia (appellate jurisdiction, Aldridge J), 16 March 2017, on appeal from the Federal Circuit Court of Australia. Read the decision.

Safety and criminal history – the checks we run to determine risk levels

Where there is a criminal history, we work through the same list before telling a client to go ahead.

It separates present risk from an old record.

1. Get the full criminal history, not the version you were given.
2. Weigh how serious the offending was and how long ago.
3. Get professional input where the history involves violence, sexual offending or substance dependence.
4. Begin with short periods, supervised and in your presence.
5. Be honest about your partner’s past with anyone who needs to know.
6. Check for current restrictions: bail or parole conditions, a family violence order, a child protection order.
7. Set clear boundaries on supervision, overnight stays and transport.
8. Confirm any treatment or rehabilitation program is current and being complied with.
9. Work through the other parent’s concerns with a practitioner, not over text.
10. Expect family, and sometimes the school, to form views. Decide what you will share.
11. Consider how the arrangement reads to a court if parenting orders are ever in issue.
12. Put your children’s safety and sense of security ahead of the relationship’s timeline.

A history of family violence, abuse or neglect involving your children or a person caring for them, or a family violence order, is not background detail. The court must consider it. And so far as it can consistently with your children’s best interests being the paramount consideration, the court must keep its orders consistent with any family violence order and must not expose a person to an unacceptable risk of family violence.

Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) ss 60CC(2A) and 60CG.

What your new partner is and is not responsible for

Your new partner does not become financially responsible for your children by moving in, or by marrying you.

A step-parent has a duty to maintain a step-child only if a court orders it. Even then, the duty sits behind the parents’ primary duty, and the court has to consider how far that primary duty is being and can be met.

Child support is worked out on each parent’s own income, not your new partner’s (Services Australia). A new relationship can matter to a property settlement, which is a separate question from parenting.

Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) ss 66M and 66N.

If your new partner moves in

Living with your children gives your new partner no parental responsibility. Not after a month, not after five years. They cannot consent to medical treatment or deal with the school unless you have authorised it. Step-parent describes a relationship, not a legal status with decision-making power.

One thing to watch. If moving in means moving away, you are back in major long-term issue territory. Raise it before you sign a lease or think of putting down a deposit.

Looking for Help Introducing a New Partner to Your Children?

Most parents who ring us about this never see the inside of a courtroom. They want to know where the line sits, and how to raise it without it escalating. Our team has that conversation often.

If your orders are silent on the point, if your ex has said they will take it further, or if there is a history that leaves you uneasy, get your position clear before anyone is introduced. Call 1300 614 732 or book a free 10 minute discovery call.