The secret guide to being a good dad after divorce
When considering how to be a good dad after divorce, it is important to take the time to prepare for the divorce, but also not delay the process for longer than it needs to be.
Divorce is a big, life-changing decision.
Children often want parental disputes to cease and thus the process resolved as soon as possible.
You may also feel as though you wish to move on with your life and not prolong divorce any longer.
Choosing the right time to divorce
In this day and age, Divorce is a strategic move that is not purely emotional.
For example, parties that file too soon may find themselves under pressure to produce documents in such a short time period, however, delaying divorce, can make it difficult to track down financial records.
Parties may also feel unable to move on with their life without experiencing the sense of closure divorce brings.
If there are children involved, this also complicates the process.
This article serves as a guide for parties considering when to file for divorce nevertheless, it is important to consider that this timing will be different for everybody depending on their unique circumstances.
The emotional impact of divorce
The largest factor that you must consider is whether or not you are emotionally prepared for divorce.
Perhaps you will never be completely ‘prepared’ however it is important to have a good mental state regarding the divorce before beginning proceedings, as this will set the tone for the process.
Being ready emotionally means that the divorce should ideally not come as a shock or surprise, and behaving in a calm and logical manner regarding the application.
If you find yourself having trouble making other decisions, constantly snapping at others or perpetually in emotional distress, these may be signs that you are not ready.
Seeking professional help through a separation expert, divorce coach or through Relationships Australia can aid you to come to terms with divorce and its life-changing effects.
The month of January is often a popular month to file for divorce; as it signifies new beginnings after coming to terms with a difficult decision.
The financial impact of divorce
Whilst it is important to be in the right mental state before getting a divorce, it is also vital to consider financial factors.
This includes assembling your own financial paperwork, opening personal new bank accounts, saving money for the process and finding professional legal representation.
This will ensure that you are well-equipped to deal with the process when it begins, and will be less likely to be blindsided by the new financial reality that you face after divorce.
Being financially secure is extremely important when considering how to have a successful divorce.
Having the right paperwork and team on hand will boost your confidence and simultaneously ease emotional distress regarding the divorce.
Being a good dad after divorce for the children of the relationship
If there are children of the relationship, it is important to consider the impact divorce will have on them.
Being a good dad after divorce means you take into account the age and maturity of the children.
Younger children are usually less self-sufficient and may find it more difficult to adjust to big life transitions.
Children communicate in ways other than words.
Their responses to a divorce may be expressed through their drawings or actions.
Some children isolate themselves and avoid talking about the divorce, whilst others may become ‘clingy’ and to constantly feel like they need to see and be with the parent they are predominantly staying with.
This means that the child feels like they have ‘lost’ the other parent and are do not want to lose their remaining parent.
Some children may backslide in their behaviour and act and talk in baby talk or fall back in their toilet training.
Some may have night terrors or become more aggressive and rebellious towards other people, including their own parents.
You should remember that children are yet to develop the emotional intelligence to be able to communicate a lot of their emotions, so this behaviour is a cry for help that they need your special attention.
With time, most of these behavioural problems disappear.
However, if they persist over a long period it is best to seek some help.
However, the way you and your spouse relay the news to your children will make a big difference in how they handle the change.
It is advised to not focus on arguments, but reiterate to the children that their wellbeing is you and your spouse’s major priority in this process to ensure as painless as possible a transition.
For further research, check out the formal guide published by the Australian Government on children and separation.
Domestic Violence Against Men
Domestic violence against men is steadily increasing, so there are a number of men that want to apply for a divorce immediately to hasten the removal of any ties to the perpetrator.
Studies show that staying in a marriage with family violence has serious long-term psychological impacts on those involved.
Particularly, children are at high risk of repeating offensive behaviour as adults in their own relationships, or themselves falling victim to abusive relationships.
We strongly recommend those that are victims of domestic violence to seriously consider escaping their relationships by seeking a divorce from their spouses.
In addition to a divorce, an Apprehended Violence Order can be an avenue to prevent your spouse from being violent towards you or your children.
Principal of Justice Family Lawyers, Hayder specialises in complex parenting and property family law matters. He is based in Sydney and holds a Bachelor of Law and Bachelor of Communications from UTS.